After quite a long period of not feeling too bad I am experiencing an arthritis flair up. I think it was inevitable. Life has not been too much fun recently and the stress has finally taken its toll. As I mentioned in my last post work has been incredibly stressful for the last 6 weeks. I have been working in the evenings and at weekends just to keep on top of things.
In many ways my new job is good for me. It is stretching me and forcing me to learn new skills. I have more staff to manage and almost twice the workload that I had two months ago but for the same pay. That galls me a little bit. I am not a materialsitic person and lets face it, I wouldn't be doing this job if I was planning on getting rich. Also some people may say that I should count myself lucky that I have a job at all. It still annoys me though!
On the health front I think that I am making peace with my illness. That is not to say that I don't have days when I feel down and frustrated. But I can now manage my condition more effectively. I recognise the signs of a flare up and know what to do to minimize its effects.
Despite what my rheumatologist said to me I firmly believe that cold damp weather exacerbates my condition.The last few days have been just that! This whole experience has made me very cynical about doctors and consultants in particular. Don't get me wrong I have met some very good and supportive ones but also some very arrogant ones too. Some have been very dismissive of my condition. I suppose it must be very difficult for a doctor who is very fit and active, who regularly runs marathons for example, to understand how difficult it can be living with chronic pain.
Sorry - this has turned into a bit of a rant. But as, according to Statcounter, no one reads this blog, it probably doesn't matter. The reason for me starting it was to help me express my feelings about my illness. If by chance someone stumbles on it and gets some help/comfort from reading it then all well and good.
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Holding pattern
I was horrified when I saw how long it was since I last posted, So much has happened since then. Work is very stressful at the moment and I think it is starting to affect my health. I don't want to go into details but I recently applied for a promotion and went through an interview and selection process. I didn't get the job and the feedback from one of the interview panel left me bruised, battered and totally demoralised. I now doubt my ability to do the simplest things. Just to top that I have now been given a totally different job and I feel that I am out of my depth.
After a fairly long period of feeling OK I am heading for an arthritis flair up. I am going to put both my blogs on hold for a week or two in the hope that I will start feeling better.
After a fairly long period of feeling OK I am heading for an arthritis flair up. I am going to put both my blogs on hold for a week or two in the hope that I will start feeling better.
Saturday, 17 September 2011
The calm before the storm
I have been going through quite a good patch recently. Just a little hip and knee pain. My ankle was feeling OK too until this afternoon when someone kicked it by accident .(Why is it whenever you have a sore foot, knee, arm etc. someone always knocks you in the place that hurts the most?).
Life has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster recently. The University term is about to start and we are deep in the process of reorganisation at work. It feels chaotic and out of control and I have had to resort to taking work home. I usually try to switch off from work completely when I get home. But an important deadline for a project is looming and there simply are not enough hours in the working day.
Its great that I am feeling so well at the moment, but I worry that all of this will catch up with me and that I am heading for an arthritis flare up. Uncertainty is one of the worst aspects of this disease. It is unpredictable. You can go for months, even years without a major flare up and then you can have several in quick sucession. This was the aspect of the disease which worried me the most when it was first diagnosed. For a while I was scared to plan too far ahead in case I was not well enough to do whatever it was. Now I plan for things, but try to have continguency plans in place. My employer has been very supportive and I know that I have the option of working at home if I feel very unwell. I am also very fortunate to be part of a close knit and very supportive team at work. We are all going through a lot of change so it has been great to laugh (and sometimes cry) about it together. That has not only helped me to cope with my illness but also the recent upheavals.
Stress is my main enemy, as it is in most auto-immune illnesses. Recently my stress levels have been off the scale! However for now I will simply enjoy the fact that I am virtually pain free and try not to dwell on what the future might hold.
Life has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster recently. The University term is about to start and we are deep in the process of reorganisation at work. It feels chaotic and out of control and I have had to resort to taking work home. I usually try to switch off from work completely when I get home. But an important deadline for a project is looming and there simply are not enough hours in the working day.
Its great that I am feeling so well at the moment, but I worry that all of this will catch up with me and that I am heading for an arthritis flare up. Uncertainty is one of the worst aspects of this disease. It is unpredictable. You can go for months, even years without a major flare up and then you can have several in quick sucession. This was the aspect of the disease which worried me the most when it was first diagnosed. For a while I was scared to plan too far ahead in case I was not well enough to do whatever it was. Now I plan for things, but try to have continguency plans in place. My employer has been very supportive and I know that I have the option of working at home if I feel very unwell. I am also very fortunate to be part of a close knit and very supportive team at work. We are all going through a lot of change so it has been great to laugh (and sometimes cry) about it together. That has not only helped me to cope with my illness but also the recent upheavals.
Stress is my main enemy, as it is in most auto-immune illnesses. Recently my stress levels have been off the scale! However for now I will simply enjoy the fact that I am virtually pain free and try not to dwell on what the future might hold.
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Strange days indeed
This last week has been a bit strange and unsettling. Life has been a bit stressful recently. Things have been very hectic at work. Plus there is a chance of promotion coming up very soon. I think that the new job would be good for me, but I do worry that I might be taking on too much. I realise that I am lucky to be able to work at all. However it does seem to take all of my energy. I don't have the stamina that I had 5 years ago. Probably a combination of getting older and the effects of my arthritis. Stress is known to aggravate auto-immune diseases like arthritis and that is probably why I have had such a bad week.
It is odd though, because people have commented that I am looking well at the moment, but in reality I am not feeling too great. At the weekend my whole leg ached from hip to ankle. It also felt heavy and I was very conscious that I was not walking well. Then there is the subject of 'buttock pain'. It is another typical symptom of my illness. Pain at the top of the thigh just under the buttock, very similar to sciatica. A friend once commented that my flare ups must be 'a pain in the ass'. Little did she know how true that was. It is at its worst during long journeys or if I have to sit for extended periods of time. I usually explain my restless fidgeting as back or hip pain, as it can be difficult to tell virtual strangers that my bum is hurting and that is why I can't sit still !
Another thing which didn't help this week was my dentist's appointment. I was expecting to have my wisdom tooth extracted today. However I have been told that the tooth is going to be a bit more difficult to extract than first thought. Therefore I will have to be sedated before it can be removed. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand I had psyched myself up for having it done today and I am disappointed that it has not been sorted out. However, on the other hand, I am really glad that my dentist was honest with me. She sat and talked to me for quite a while this afternoon before deciding not to extract my wisdom tooth there and then. I was really impressed that she wanted to do what was best for me rather than what was more convenient (or lucrative) for her. I will now have to wait for an appointment to attend the dental clinic.
Finally on a more positive note I have only had a swollen ankle once in the last seven days and my knee has not been swollen at all. I still think that this because I am eating crystallised ginger and drinking ginger tea every morning. I have absolutely no concrete proof of this but it is helping me to feel better and that is all that matters.
It is odd though, because people have commented that I am looking well at the moment, but in reality I am not feeling too great. At the weekend my whole leg ached from hip to ankle. It also felt heavy and I was very conscious that I was not walking well. Then there is the subject of 'buttock pain'. It is another typical symptom of my illness. Pain at the top of the thigh just under the buttock, very similar to sciatica. A friend once commented that my flare ups must be 'a pain in the ass'. Little did she know how true that was. It is at its worst during long journeys or if I have to sit for extended periods of time. I usually explain my restless fidgeting as back or hip pain, as it can be difficult to tell virtual strangers that my bum is hurting and that is why I can't sit still !
Another thing which didn't help this week was my dentist's appointment. I was expecting to have my wisdom tooth extracted today. However I have been told that the tooth is going to be a bit more difficult to extract than first thought. Therefore I will have to be sedated before it can be removed. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand I had psyched myself up for having it done today and I am disappointed that it has not been sorted out. However, on the other hand, I am really glad that my dentist was honest with me. She sat and talked to me for quite a while this afternoon before deciding not to extract my wisdom tooth there and then. I was really impressed that she wanted to do what was best for me rather than what was more convenient (or lucrative) for her. I will now have to wait for an appointment to attend the dental clinic.
Finally on a more positive note I have only had a swollen ankle once in the last seven days and my knee has not been swollen at all. I still think that this because I am eating crystallised ginger and drinking ginger tea every morning. I have absolutely no concrete proof of this but it is helping me to feel better and that is all that matters.
Sunday, 21 August 2011
Let me see that 'Happy Face'
One of my favourite films is 'Strictly Ballroom'. It is not a great cinematic work of art by any means but it is fun, irreverent and always makes me smile. One of the main characters gets through life by putting on her 'Happy Face'. She plasters on a huge fake smile, wipes away her tears and carries on. That is how I feel a lot of the time. Everyone expects me to be brave and carry on as normal even if I am feeling awful. They are sympathetic, but don't really want to hear about my problems. After all they each have problems of their own. So most of the time I pretend that everything is OK even though deep down it is not.
The one person who can always tell when I am not feeling great is my OH. But then, we have known each other for a very long time. One of the reasons that I started going to counselling was because I realised the effect that my problems were having on him. Three months ago I decided that I had to make some changes in my life, not just for myself but for his sake too. His life had changed dramatically too, virtually overnight. Sometimes I tend to forget that.
So, I am trying to enjoy life as much as I can. The counselling has helped. I have finished it for now, but I know that I can go back at any time if I need to. I have also been reading a really interesting book, 'CBT for chronic illness and palliative care' by Nigel Sage, Michelle Snowden, Elizabeth Charlton and Andrea Edeleanu. It is written by Consultant Clinical Psychologists and Chartered Clinical Psychologists who work with a range of patients in NHS hospitals, who suffer from chronic illnesses. Its sub-title is 'a workbook and toolkit'. It is primarily aimed at practitioners but also has a lot to offer patients. One really good section is a list of coping strategies.
I was introduced to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) a few years ago. I was sent on a CBT course by my GP to help treat a mild case of depression. It really helped. If you have not come across it, the idea is that CBT can help to change the way in which you think about a problem. By changing the way that you think you can devise strategies to help you cope better with whatever causes you distress. I am lucky in that I work with Chartered Psychologists and have access to wide range of books on the subject. If you want to find out more about CBT then you should be able to find lots of information on the Internet and at your local library.
I am really going to try to have a more positive attitude to life. But of course I would not be able to get through the day without my family and friends, in particular my OH. I am very lucky to have them in my life.
The one person who can always tell when I am not feeling great is my OH. But then, we have known each other for a very long time. One of the reasons that I started going to counselling was because I realised the effect that my problems were having on him. Three months ago I decided that I had to make some changes in my life, not just for myself but for his sake too. His life had changed dramatically too, virtually overnight. Sometimes I tend to forget that.
So, I am trying to enjoy life as much as I can. The counselling has helped. I have finished it for now, but I know that I can go back at any time if I need to. I have also been reading a really interesting book, 'CBT for chronic illness and palliative care' by Nigel Sage, Michelle Snowden, Elizabeth Charlton and Andrea Edeleanu. It is written by Consultant Clinical Psychologists and Chartered Clinical Psychologists who work with a range of patients in NHS hospitals, who suffer from chronic illnesses. Its sub-title is 'a workbook and toolkit'. It is primarily aimed at practitioners but also has a lot to offer patients. One really good section is a list of coping strategies.
I was introduced to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) a few years ago. I was sent on a CBT course by my GP to help treat a mild case of depression. It really helped. If you have not come across it, the idea is that CBT can help to change the way in which you think about a problem. By changing the way that you think you can devise strategies to help you cope better with whatever causes you distress. I am lucky in that I work with Chartered Psychologists and have access to wide range of books on the subject. If you want to find out more about CBT then you should be able to find lots of information on the Internet and at your local library.
I am really going to try to have a more positive attitude to life. But of course I would not be able to get through the day without my family and friends, in particular my OH. I am very lucky to have them in my life.
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Feeling better
The last few days have been interesting. For the last two weeks my left ankle has been painful again and constantly swollen. I was on the verge of making a Drs appointment when something strange happened.
My OH made me a cup of ginger herbal tea as usual on Sunday morning. Four or five years ago I rather reluctantly gave up ordinary tea and coffee as it was giving me bad headaches and had become my main migraine trigger. Ever since then my morning ritual has been drinking a cup of Twinings Lemon and Ginger tea. However this time he added some slices of fresh ginger just for a change. He had also bought me some crystalised ginger. He spotted it when shopping in our local health food shop and bought some knowing how much I love it. So, for the past few days I have been eating a small piece of crystallised ginger with my morning tea. Within a few hours on Sunday the swelling on my ankle went down completely and although not totally pain free I was able to put my full weight on it. Ever since then my ankle has been a normal size.
It may be a coincidence but I have started to wonder if the ginger is making a difference. A while ago I read an article about a clinical trial which took place in Miami to assess the effectiveness of ginger as an anti-inflamatory in patients with osteoarthritis. If you are interested you can read about it here. The results of the trial were not totally conclusive and there is still much debate amongst doctors about its benefits. At the time I remember being interested but then promptly forgot about it. I did not know that I had arthritis so I though no more about it. That is until a few days ago when I talking to my OH about the ginger tea.
I am not going to go mad and start eating lots of ginger. Like many herbs and spices it can be dangerous in excess. And of course I would never take a supplement without consulting my GP first. However I will carry on taking small amounts. Apparently fresh and candied ginger root contain higher concentrations of the substance which acts as an ant-inflammatory than the powdered form. That might explain why adding fresh ginger to my tea and eating crystalised ginger seems to have helped. The tea bags contain powdered ginger. For now, as I love ginger any way I will carry on eating and drinking it. After it can't hurt and hopefully it might help.
One thing that I have learnt over the last 12 months is that it is worth trying anything which will make me feel better. Like most chronic illnesses, the experience of arthritis is slightly different for everyone. If ginger can help me, whether it is the placebo effect or not, I am not going to ignore it.
My OH made me a cup of ginger herbal tea as usual on Sunday morning. Four or five years ago I rather reluctantly gave up ordinary tea and coffee as it was giving me bad headaches and had become my main migraine trigger. Ever since then my morning ritual has been drinking a cup of Twinings Lemon and Ginger tea. However this time he added some slices of fresh ginger just for a change. He had also bought me some crystalised ginger. He spotted it when shopping in our local health food shop and bought some knowing how much I love it. So, for the past few days I have been eating a small piece of crystallised ginger with my morning tea. Within a few hours on Sunday the swelling on my ankle went down completely and although not totally pain free I was able to put my full weight on it. Ever since then my ankle has been a normal size.
It may be a coincidence but I have started to wonder if the ginger is making a difference. A while ago I read an article about a clinical trial which took place in Miami to assess the effectiveness of ginger as an anti-inflamatory in patients with osteoarthritis. If you are interested you can read about it here. The results of the trial were not totally conclusive and there is still much debate amongst doctors about its benefits. At the time I remember being interested but then promptly forgot about it. I did not know that I had arthritis so I though no more about it. That is until a few days ago when I talking to my OH about the ginger tea.
I am not going to go mad and start eating lots of ginger. Like many herbs and spices it can be dangerous in excess. And of course I would never take a supplement without consulting my GP first. However I will carry on taking small amounts. Apparently fresh and candied ginger root contain higher concentrations of the substance which acts as an ant-inflammatory than the powdered form. That might explain why adding fresh ginger to my tea and eating crystalised ginger seems to have helped. The tea bags contain powdered ginger. For now, as I love ginger any way I will carry on eating and drinking it. After it can't hurt and hopefully it might help.
One thing that I have learnt over the last 12 months is that it is worth trying anything which will make me feel better. Like most chronic illnesses, the experience of arthritis is slightly different for everyone. If ginger can help me, whether it is the placebo effect or not, I am not going to ignore it.
Sunday, 14 August 2011
Sleepless in Bournemouth
I am feeling a little bleary eyed and befuddled this morning as I have had yet another disturbed night. For three nights in a row I have been woken by pain in my back and across my ribs on my left hand side. My restless night was not helped by the fact that one of my neighbours' car alarms went off three times at 4:45, 5:30 and 6:00 am !
At the moment I am weighing up whether it is worth going to my Doctor about the pain. The agreement that I reached with my GP is that if I experience significant pain I try taking anti-inflammatories for a week. If, after that week, I am still in a great deal of pain then I go back to her. I will have a blood test to assess my ESR. She will then arrange for me to see a Rheumatologist. Because my arthritis is classified as mild I do not get regular Rhematology appointments every 6 months. Although I have a supportive GP I do sometimes feel like I have been left to cope with this by myself. It has been left to me to research my condition try to find a way to muddle through.
Whilst I was going through the various tests and consultations which lead up to my diagnosis I was told by a junior doctor that my flair ups would be a 'nuisance'. That really stuck in my mind, Breaking a fingernail is a nuisance. Finding it difficult to walk because my ankle has swollen to twice its normal size, or being unable to sleep because it hurts to lie on my left side is not what I would describe as a nuisance ! I know that she was only trying to make me feel better but instead she made me angry.
One reason why I am reluctant to go back to the Rheumatologist is that I am afraid that he will put me on more powerful medication. At the moment I just take anti-inflammatories when I need them. They have some pretty unpleasant side effects including nausea, stomach cramps, sometimes diarrhea and make me feel really 'spaced out'. I know it sounds like a contradiction when I have just been complaining that I am in pain but most of the stronger arthritis drugs carry big risks such as liver damage and stomach ulcers.
I am on leave this week so I will see how I feel by the end of it. My OH is on leave too so hopefully we can do some things together to take my mind off how I feel. I am conscious that this is just as hard on him as it is on me. I will explore that in a future post. For now I will try to get on with my Sunday, have a shower and some breakfast and see if that makes me feel any better.
At the moment I am weighing up whether it is worth going to my Doctor about the pain. The agreement that I reached with my GP is that if I experience significant pain I try taking anti-inflammatories for a week. If, after that week, I am still in a great deal of pain then I go back to her. I will have a blood test to assess my ESR. She will then arrange for me to see a Rheumatologist. Because my arthritis is classified as mild I do not get regular Rhematology appointments every 6 months. Although I have a supportive GP I do sometimes feel like I have been left to cope with this by myself. It has been left to me to research my condition try to find a way to muddle through.
Whilst I was going through the various tests and consultations which lead up to my diagnosis I was told by a junior doctor that my flair ups would be a 'nuisance'. That really stuck in my mind, Breaking a fingernail is a nuisance. Finding it difficult to walk because my ankle has swollen to twice its normal size, or being unable to sleep because it hurts to lie on my left side is not what I would describe as a nuisance ! I know that she was only trying to make me feel better but instead she made me angry.
One reason why I am reluctant to go back to the Rheumatologist is that I am afraid that he will put me on more powerful medication. At the moment I just take anti-inflammatories when I need them. They have some pretty unpleasant side effects including nausea, stomach cramps, sometimes diarrhea and make me feel really 'spaced out'. I know it sounds like a contradiction when I have just been complaining that I am in pain but most of the stronger arthritis drugs carry big risks such as liver damage and stomach ulcers.
I am on leave this week so I will see how I feel by the end of it. My OH is on leave too so hopefully we can do some things together to take my mind off how I feel. I am conscious that this is just as hard on him as it is on me. I will explore that in a future post. For now I will try to get on with my Sunday, have a shower and some breakfast and see if that makes me feel any better.
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