One of my favourite films is 'Strictly Ballroom'. It is not a great cinematic work of art by any means but it is fun, irreverent and always makes me smile. One of the main characters gets through life by putting on her 'Happy Face'. She plasters on a huge fake smile, wipes away her tears and carries on. That is how I feel a lot of the time. Everyone expects me to be brave and carry on as normal even if I am feeling awful. They are sympathetic, but don't really want to hear about my problems. After all they each have problems of their own. So most of the time I pretend that everything is OK even though deep down it is not.
The one person who can always tell when I am not feeling great is my OH. But then, we have known each other for a very long time. One of the reasons that I started going to counselling was because I realised the effect that my problems were having on him. Three months ago I decided that I had to make some changes in my life, not just for myself but for his sake too. His life had changed dramatically too, virtually overnight. Sometimes I tend to forget that.
So, I am trying to enjoy life as much as I can. The counselling has helped. I have finished it for now, but I know that I can go back at any time if I need to. I have also been reading a really interesting book, 'CBT for chronic illness and palliative care' by Nigel Sage, Michelle Snowden, Elizabeth Charlton and Andrea Edeleanu. It is written by Consultant Clinical Psychologists and Chartered Clinical Psychologists who work with a range of patients in NHS hospitals, who suffer from chronic illnesses. Its sub-title is 'a workbook and toolkit'. It is primarily aimed at practitioners but also has a lot to offer patients. One really good section is a list of coping strategies.
I was introduced to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) a few years ago. I was sent on a CBT course by my GP to help treat a mild case of depression. It really helped. If you have not come across it, the idea is that CBT can help to change the way in which you think about a problem. By changing the way that you think you can devise strategies to help you cope better with whatever causes you distress. I am lucky in that I work with Chartered Psychologists and have access to wide range of books on the subject. If you want to find out more about CBT then you should be able to find lots of information on the Internet and at your local library.
I am really going to try to have a more positive attitude to life. But of course I would not be able to get through the day without my family and friends, in particular my OH. I am very lucky to have them in my life.
It's really hard to find the balance between putting on a happy face and lying to everyone about how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI find that if I always hide how I'm feeling that people assume there is nothing much wrong with you, and don't understand that when you say you are having a bad day and can't see them, that it isn't just because I'm a bit tired, but because I literally can't get out of bed.
Part of the problem with being sick and disabled and being treated as scrounging scum by the media and Government is that it is easy to get that picture when we all try our best not to moan. We all try to manage as best we can. We get up each day and put on our happy faces when we see our friends and family because we are happy to see them. It's just when we go home and pay the price for going out and seeing them that we have the crying, painful and exhausted face that people rarely get to see.
Thanks for the link to the CBT book, it looks interesting. It is good to put on a happy face, but sometimes you have to let out what you're feeling. When you feel that way, you know your friends will be waiting to listen.
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